Strength

(Strongest I've been in 29 years.)

Worrying. 

Bad habit I've got. But I'm kicking it.

And it's there, a little nagging voice. If I'm not mindful it permeates my blissfulness. The tyrant of my tranquility -- holds my peaceful moments hostage when I let it. And the habit is to let it.  

Until I realize that I don't have to. How liberating is that?

But even then it's hard. Hard to turn it off -- to give in to the love of the universe and trust that it is in my power to let her protect me.

29 years of programming is hard to undo. It's work. Good work. Happy work. Strength work. Like a workout for the mind.

Discpline. 

Its new trick is to wait until I'm blissfully content with the universe and my place in it. Then it whispers, "what about your health? What if a meteorite decides to descend upon you as you walk to class? What if you get struck by lightening? What if your herbal tea is tainted with the bubonic plague?" And I have to quiet it again.

Calmly.

Gently.

Caress it like the baby it is and tell it that it doesn't have to be that way anymore. We don't have to take that abuse anymore. Hold it in my arms like my little nephew and say, "we're loved. We love. And with the strength of our love we can stand up to that bully Fear."

It's like coddling an abused puppy and trying to make it understand that it's safe and cherished and loved. The puppy is skittish for a while...

...but eventually he comes around and curls up on your chest in the morning hours. You've tamed the beast.

And the universe is blissful again.

Moral of the story? Don't kill the lion. Don't force it's mouth shut. Tame the lion. Befriend the lion. Strength isn't always the shear work of will. Love and strength go hand and hand.